Big News

I know some of you have been anxiously awaiting the news, and I'm terribly sorry for not having blogged a damn thing about it in far too long; I just haven't had the energy. It's been an emotionally exhausting couple of weeks, and what little time I haven't been working, I haven't exactly felt like thinking about it or talking about it with everyone.

When I came back from Florida on the 23rd of August, I was still a little stressed from the traveling. It's not that I'm afraid of flying; I'm bored with it actually, but it can be stressful. Mostly, it's because you get shitty airport food or peanuts, and your biological need for contrant hydration is reduced to an in-flight beverage cart. I was starving and thrirsty and had to pee most of the return trip. I'd much rather just sit behind the wheel and drive, but that takes all day long. But enough bitching. So I landed and thought, now I can finally relax for a little while before I go to work tomorrow. I called up my dad to come pick me up at the terminal, got my bags and met him outside.

We started driving home, and we're talking. He asks how the trip was, blah blah blah, and then he tells me mom got her new computer in the mail. She got it all set up (dad did it I'm sure) and they got her on the Internet. She went on MySpace and found my page....I knew what this meant instantly....

For those who haven't seen it, go to my MySpace page now and see for yourself. It's nothing spectacular, just a geeky background, a couple comments, a few videos...but there's three little letters on there that made all the difference: Gay.

So that's how my parents discovered that I'm gay. They read about it on MySpace, not something I'm particularly proud of as I would have rather told them myself in person, but life comes at ya fast, right? Anyway, there's no going back now. Actually, a friend later asked me if I told them it was a joke or something like it wasn't true, lol. That would have been worse.

Ok, so back in the awkward drive home...I gathered that they learned this news earlier that day or the day before possibly but no sooner. The first thing dad asked me after he beat around the bush as to what he was referring to, as if saying the word "gay" was profane, was "Is it true?" And I told him it was, and so ensued the awkward conversation with my dad. Eventually he told me that he loved me and that whatever happened I was still his son and neither of those things would change. So, yay for dad. =)

Mom, on the other hand was "very upset" according to dad. We didn't know if she was going to be awake when we arrived home from the airport. She wasn't; she had gone to bed. I worked the next five days in a row, and my 10-hour shifts and 1-hour, one-way drives to and from work don't allow much time at home during the workweek, so the chances of me seeing her for the next 5 days were slim. But I saw her the next morning on my way out the door as she was coming in from watering the flowers outside. She looked sad, upset, maybe disappointed. She said when I had a day off we needed to talk. I went and sat in my truck and she soon appeared by my door. She gave me a big hug and told me she loved me and walked back inside the house.

I was on autopilot for the next five days at work, my mind always drifting to the situation at home and what I was going to say to mom when I got a chance to see her. I couldn't decide whether all that time she had to absorb the news was good for her or if it just let her mind wander. Finally the first day I had off, the three of us talked at dinner.

Now, I don't want to bore you with the details or expose the intimate, embarssing details of my personal life on the internet for the world to read, but I just wanted to share the news with Greg and Steve, lol...and with the blog of the news. Things are going to be different from here on out. I just hope that time will be on my side with them so that they can see there's nothing different about me, that I've always been gay and they just haven't noticed, and that it's not a choice. The latter will probably be the hardest as their religious beliefs have beaten into them that everyone is straight but gay by choice or something, I don't know. Reason and religion are like oil and water; they don't mix. We'll just have to take it day by day, I suppose.